Parent's Guide: How Do I Build My Child’s Confidence?

As a parent to a middle school-aged child, you know that confidence can be a challenge even for the most accomplished adult. With all the new things your child is facing in middle school (e.g., harder classes, clubs, sports, etc.), it’s understandable that they may not feel their best going to school every day. Fortunately, you can take an active role in building your child’s confidence.

In this article, we’ll explore what confidence looks like in a middle school-aged child, common roadblocks that prevent confidence, and ways to build your child’s self-confidence while promoting their growing independence.  

What Self-Confidence Looks Like in Middle School Students

Middle school students with self-confidence demonstrate traits that help them during the transition from childhood to adolescence. 

Healthy Risk Taking

Healthy risk-taking is when your child steps outside their comfort zone. Typical examples include:

·      Signing up for a new extracurricular activity. 

·      Deciding to take an honors class (i.e., if their school offers it). 

·      Getting involved in a new activity (e.g., volunteering) outside of school.

·      Learning about a new topic or practicing a new skill independently. 

These and other examples of healthy risk-taking present new challenges, challenges that your child may not be able to meet the first time they try it. A child who views each success and failure as a learning experience demonstrates positive self-confidence. 

Increasing Social Interactions

Middle school is a time of transition. Your child not only has new teachers but also attends classes with new children. In this unfamiliar environment, children with confidence:

·      Forge new friendships.

·      Expand their social circles.

·      Respond to arguments/disagreements with peers in a healthy way. 

Demonstrating Resilience During Adversity

Healthy risk-taking and increased social interactions can have both risks and rewards. Typical middle school students experience adversity in:

·      Taking challenging classes.

·      Fitting in with a new peer group.

·      Experiencing failure for the first time.

·      Navigating the changing relationships among family members. 

All children experience adversity, but how they react to it demonstrates their resilience, or lack thereof. A confident child tries different ways to solve problems and learns from their mistakes.  

What Prevents Confidence

Although all children are unique, what prevents confidence in middle school generally falls into one of three categories. If your child lacks confidence, it’s likely due to a combination of these reasons. 

Conflicts with Peer Group

Not fitting in is something that most middle schoolers dread. Not making new friends, losing old friends, and dealing with peer pressure/bullying can sink your child’s confidence. This lack of confidence can manifest outside of school, as your child may become irritable, depressed, or more likely to start conflicts with family members.

Academic Challenges

Middle school presents new academic challenges that can prevent confidence-building. Learners without strong organizational skills can easily lose track of assignments and misplace important class materials. These actions can lead to lower grades and diminished self-worth.

Even if your child is an organizational expert, they may still face challenges with coursework. Feeling that they are trying their best and still not earning a good grade can lead to an academic, social, or emotional spiral.

Puberty

Brain chemistry changes significantly during puberty, meaning your child is apt to experience mood swings. In this case, feeling down or lacking self-confidence is no fault of their own, making the situation even more frustrating for them, you, and other family members.

Now that we’ve touched on what prevents confidence, let’s dive into ways to build self-confidence that will leave your child not only feeling better mentally but also with greater independence. 

How to Build Your Child’s Confidence: First Steps

How to build your child’s confidence isn’t rocket science. Start with the following activities, many of which you may already be doing. After reviewing the basics, take a Crimson Education parenting quiz to learn more about how you can adapt these strategies to your parenting style.

Reaffirm the Parent-Child Bond

Imagine a ship navigating choppy seas. In danger, it drops anchor to protect itself. As your child navigates the uncertain waters of middle school, they look to you to be their anchor. The best thing you can do at this stage is provide consistency in your child’s life, consistent:

·      Rules.

·      Consequences.

·      Expectations.

Maintain Open Communication

During middle school, you want to support your child while fostering their independence. The best way to ‘walk the line’ in this scenario is by maintaining open communication. Try not to pry information from your child about what upsets them. Instead, create positive environments where your child can feel comfortable opening up to you. 

Share Interests with Your Child

What interests your child may not interest you, but showing curiosity about your child’s interests can help them build confidence and self-esteem. Showing curiosity demonstrates to your child that what they’re interested in:

·      Can help them make connections with other people.

·      Has value.

Sharing interests is also a great way to prevent your child from keeping potentially harmful secrets from you. 

FAQ

How do I build confidence in a sensitive child?

You can help your sensitive child build confidence by:

·      Helping them identify how and why they are sensitive.

·      Helping them find their academic and social strengths.

·      Redirect their focus from their feelings to their interests and goals. 

One thing you want to avoid when helping your sensitive child is over-disciplining them. Sensitive children are often critical of their own actions and may end up punishing themselves more than you do in some situations. 

How do I build my child’s confidence in sports?

If your child is passionate about joining a sport, you have many ways to help them build self-confidence if they run into trouble. Try: 

·      Setting realistic goals for athletic improvement. 

o   Make sure to celebrate or acknowledge reaching each goal.

·      Checking whether your child is receiving the proper athletic, emotional, and social support from coaches and other adult staff.

·      Recognizing your child’s effort rather than awarding them only after their team wins.

·      Encouraging your child to set their own goals. 

How do I build my child’s confidence in school?

Many of the ways your child can build confidence and self-esteem on the field also apply to school. In addition to the previous bullet points, you can also:

·      Share times when you struggled in school. Knowing that academic struggle is universal can help your child build resilience. 

o   A complementary exercise involves sharing how you overcame these problems. You may want to stress how others helped you, which may encourage your child to accept help from parents, teachers, and other adults.  

·      Reaffirm your love for your child. Even if their troubles in school feel overwhelming, they should know that someone is rooting for them unconditionally. 

How can I discover what is preventing my child from building confidence and self-esteem?

As touched upon earlier, open communication is the best way for your child to feel that they can come to you with their problems. If you’re still having trouble, reach out to your child’s teachers, coaches, and school administrators for more insights. 

Please let your child know that you’re reaching out to their teachers to discover the best ways to support them. Make sure to frame this discussion in a positive way. 

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