Should parents step in or stand back to help their child find their passion? It can be tempting to cajole your child from a very young age to discover a passion or find talent in something at which they're good. Often this stems from worries that their child won't stand out or succeed without excelling at something specific. But the truth is forcing them to pursue any particular sport, arts, or other lessons may actually backfire instead; finding their intrinsic motivation is the key to unlocking their true potential.
Read on to learn how to nurture your child's interests without pushing too hard, and empower them to find the activities that give their life meaning and direction.
The Science of Passion
To understand how to guide your child in finding their passion, it helps to know how passions develop. Research shows that when children engage in activities they enjoy, dopamine is released, giving them pleasure. This feeling motivates them to continue the activity, leading to mastery over time. Additionally, other external motivators like winning awards, or competition can set off a cycle of self-perpetuating reward.
Additional studies underscore the importance of allowing passions to emerge naturally. A 2010 study by the University of Montreal and led by professor Geneviève Mageau found that young individuals are more likely to be successful in any artistic or individualistic pursuit when they nurture their passion themselves.
When children spend much of their time and years at a stretch doing what was expected of them, they are no longer in touch with their natural desires and hence their ability to recognize or grow their passion gets stunted. At this point, they are doing the activity for "self-protective” reasons that don't necessarily correspond with their true desires.
So as parents do you just stand back and hope that your child just stumbles upon their true passion on a fine day? Or take a more active role in guiding them? Let’s find out.
So, How can Parents Help?
Following intrinsic interests doesn't mean parents shouldn't work to expose kids to a variety of activities. Kastner, a clinical psychologist, noted child expert and the author of Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens, says that from about middle school onward, a good rule of thumb for most kids is to participate in one sport and one extracurricular of their choosing at all times. When parents support instead of overdirecting, kids learn to follow their own paths toward fulfillment and success. With this balanced approach in mind, here are some ways parents can empower children's exploration and help guide them toward finding activities they genuinely love.
1. Follow Their Lead
When it comes to finding your child's interests or passions, you should always follow the lead. But at the same time, there needs to be a certain level of exposure to different potential interests in the first place. As the saying goes, you can't be what you can't see. Similarly, if they aren't exposed to different sorts of activities, they wouldn't possibly know what they are interested in.
The interests grow from the seeds scattered about the rich spaces at home, in schools, in the community, in books, in media, and online. Parents have to facilitate the circumstances that give kids a chance to feel and see what they might be interested in. And then you may sit back and observe how they respond and equip them with more resources in areas that they seemed to be more intrigued by than the others.
Giving children unstructured time to explore their interests freely can provide valuable insights. Simple acts like letting them watch a sports match they enjoy, or having open conversations about their thoughts and feelings, can reveal hints about their passions. Observe what captures your child's attention during playtime. Ask open-ended questions and listen closely when they share their dreams and opinions. Providing space for them to pursue their interests without pressure or limits allows their true passions to naturally emerge.
You may not be able to create passion in your children but you can expose them to new stuff.
2. Avoid judgment
Instead of just doing what everyone else is doing, take the time to get to know your child's interests. It's not necessary that passion lies just within organized sports or highly structured enrichment classes.
Often, we see kids being forced into the same sports and activities as their peers. Your young one might have a passion outside of these most common extracurricular routes. For example, your child might enjoy staying home and working on their rock collection. Resist the urge and avoid judging your children's choices. Instead of pushing them to follow your vision, support them by providing resources, and finding other ways that can fuel their curiosity and newfound interests.
3. Worry Less About the End Goal
Everything you may do as a parent trying to help your child find their passion need not have an end goal. When parents worry less about resume-building and focus on what makes kids thrive, children find their unique interests. Leave room for enjoying the journey, even if it doesn't directly advance your child's academic or career aspirations. For example, let them take electives that align with what they love, even if they don't directly relate to their desired career. Classes in topics like art, music, and literature can nurture creativity, communication skills, and critical thinking that will serve them well in any field.
More importantly, what you may want to do is lead them on a path to a sense of purpose. Much of school involves following instructions and checking boxes. Guide them to initiate and problem-solve independently, rather than always looking to others for permission and instructions. Let them learn from mistakes and iterate based on results. The feeling of agency developed in this manner is essential for a true sense of purpose.
4. Lead Them to Mastery via Mentorship
When your child is ready to take their interest to the next level, connecting them with real-world mentors can provide invaluable guidance beyond academics alone. While school teaches foundational concepts, it often falls short in guiding passions into meaningful work. As a parent, you can fill this gap by introducing your child to accomplished individuals in their chosen field of interest. Even if you lack expertise in that domain, you can open doors through your own network. Whether it be medicine, business, arts, or any other field, a mentor's lived experience and counsel will inspire your child and equip them to actively map a path toward fulfilling work. Mentors give insider perspectives that schools cannot, helping ignite mastery and direction.
Looking for a Partner Who Can Help You and Your Child in This Journey?
At Crimson Rise, we offer 1:1 mentorship for students to build a personalized pathway towards purpose and excellence. Our strategists work with each individual student to tailor a custom learning route that aligns with their unique strengths, abilities and traits. Our strategic approach helps students gain clarity on their direction, structure a journey aligned to their strengths, and unlock their potential. We empower purposeful and unconventional paths that embrace each child's individuality.If you're a parent looking for new ways to support your child's learning and are interested in our holistic approach, book a free consultation call with our academic advisor.
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